I Know you Have a Little Life in You Yet…

What a time to be depressed, when mental health services are so damaged by cuts, but that’s where I’m at. I have bipolar, and was probably a little hypo last summer, not full blown manic just a lot more energy than usual. Then around Christmas came the huge drop, that’s left me unable to leave my house, and storing up lethal drugs. I don’t want to be like this, who does? So I sought help. Let me be clear one in four of us has mental health problems and there is NOTHING to be ashamed about asking for help. 

The doctor came, and is faxing mental health services for input and advice. I looked into her eyes and raised an eyebrow. I know, I will keep on at them until I get a reply, she said. I didn’t have to say anything.

 She has asked me to ring her if things get worse, and for a brief moment I imagined absolutely nothing happening. No response from mental health services, no action on my tablets and me steadily getting worse. I had to push those feelings to the back of my mind. I just have to hope services are not so threadbare I’m left dangling, desperately trying to hang on to life, while my illness waves a pair of scissors in front of me, willing me to cut myself free from it all.

So, please be patient with me, I WILL be better soon. 
If you experience depression, feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, please contact your GP or Samaritans and speak to friends and family about you are feeling. 


6 thoughts on “I Know you Have a Little Life in You Yet…

  1. Marianne Wheelaghan says:

    Hi Ruth, i feel odd “liking” your post here today because it seems i am liking your desperate situation, which I am not. It is rather your courage and honesty that I like and admire. As you rightly say, there is nothing to be ashamed of asking for help or with admitting you are not coping, but there is still a lot of stigma and confusion over mental health. The more people, like yourself, talk about how you feel openly and honestly, the better able we will all be to understand the consequences of being bipolar, and, hopefully, the less judgmental and the more helpful. I am happy to be patient. I believe you will be better soon too.

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